Mama's Worst Fear

      As a mom of four boys, I have had a lot of scares. It is bound to happen. You have to account, and adjust for it, or you would be having mini heart attacks all the time! But then, there is terrified. The kind of scared that makes your heart leap into your throat, disabling your ability to swallow, or even breath! Panic flows through your rigid body with a surge, and paralyzes you. Your mind says, "NO!!! This cannot be happening! Please don't let this be true!" Your hands are cold, but sweating. It is the worse feeling for a mom, but was very real for me just yesterday.
      Our cabin is situated in the woods, out of sight, and at the back of a big field. We do not have a driveway yet, just a pathway meandering along the edge of the trees. I have planned it this way. I want my children to be able to play freely without the worry of strangers lurking nearby, or watching them. This is my worst fear in the whole world. Wild animals such as coyotes, and mountain lions pale in comparison to my fear of child predators. I'll take my chances with the black bears, and hungry wolves, thank-you. On this particular fall day I had my little guy, (a week shy of being two years old), along with me as I worked on chinking the inside of the cabin. He is pretty good about hanging around, and playing in the sand pile directly outside of the cabin door. I was up on the ladder intently chinking between the logs, and smoothing out the mixture. I heard my son start to wander out of the woods, but could hear him playing in the mowed portion of our field. I would call to him, and he would answer me. He began to get further away, so I called him back, and could tell he was complying by his little voice nearing the cabin. Suddenly, he fell silent. He no longer answered my calls. I yelled his name over, and over as I stepped rapidly from the ladder. I planned to just check up on him to ease my mind. As I stepped from the woods, and scanned the lawn there was no sign of my baby, but worse was that my attention was drawn to our crude "driveway", and a truck speeding away from our property! What was a truck that I did not recognize doing way down here on my property, and where was my baby boy? I had two horrible thoughts....had they run him over?.... Did they have him in their grasp as they sped away? I stood there screaming his name, and frantically looking for a bicycle. I was without transportation, and was grasping at any chance to catch this unwelcome vehicle! Thoughts crowded my mind, and I struggled to sort them out. My heart cried out to God while I screamed my baby's name in terror. As I swung my head around frantically searching for a bike, I saw him..........He was standing quietly in weeds that towered over his blonde curly hair. His eyes were big, and held a frightened look. No doubt, mommy had scared the little guy with her screeching!
       We played in the sand pile together until nap time. As I placed him into his crib for some rest, I kissed his little face, and cuddled him close. I ran my fingers through his golden curls, and I thanked God for taking care of my baby.
       Our little oasis of safety was hacked into this day. My safety net torn apart. Our security now in question. God is our only true source of protection I have realized. I need to rely more on him , and less on my plans. I cannot build a fortress strong enough to defend my children from the dangers of this world. So, I will kiss all four of my babies goodnight, and pray for their safety as my head touches my pillow each evening. This is the best form of protection that this mama can offer.